Seven Mistakes Leaders Make During Feedback Sessions

In a previous blog, I pointed out that the desired outcome of any performance feedback session is to produce better performance after the conversation. They should be called “feed forward” sessions. While this may sound obvious, leaders often tell me that their goal is to "Get the person to understand..." or "Have the employee do their job..." WRONG! The entire focus of these sessions should be improving performance after the sessions.

So why do many feedback sessions, especially those criticizing performance, fail to accomplish their primary objective? Usually it’s because the leader commits one or more of the common mistakes made when giving feedback. These include:

1. Providing vague feedback. Telling someone they are "Not performing well" or "You need to improve your presentations" does not identify the specific behaviors that need improvement.

2. Judging the individual instead of the behaviors. Saying "You were too harsh" or "You need to be a better communicator" is a judgment of the individual that puts them on the defensive.

3. Talking too much. Because many leaders are uncomfortable during a counseling session, they tend to talk too much. Don’t give advice, talk about your own experience, and spend too much time problem solving. Criticism is difficult to hear and you need to give your employees time to digest it.

4. Misusing the sandwich technique. Providing criticism between two complements sounds like a good idea, but it is seldom executed properly. The employee often perceives the approach as manipulative.

5. Exaggerating. Using terms such as "never" or "always" are loaded with the emotional baggage. As soon as the employee hears them, they imagine all the times when they did not do what you claim that he did.

6. Using passive-aggressive humor. Saying "Glad you could make it" when someone comes five minutes late to your meeting is both indirect and ineffective.

7. Concluding without a plan. Ending a counseling session without a follow-up plan is like driving to a new restaurant in a strange city without a map. You'll end up somewhere, but it probably won't be fulfilling.

So, which of these are you guilty of? How do you avoid them?

Keep eXpanding,

Dave

http://www.DaveJesenOnLeadership.com

How Leaders Stay Positive – Part II

Mood is the final “M” (after Modeling and Mastery) to building the strong belief that a team can reach their goal. Many leaders don’t reach their goals because they let obstacles bring the team down. The top leaders I have studied choose to stay positive when things seem negative. Listed below are three more techniques to help you maintain a positive mood at work. Adapt them to suit you and your team.

1. Walk tall, feel better

How you move affects how you feel. Your motion influences your e-motion. Don’t believe me? Try the following exercise:

Sit down and start thinking about something that is bothering you. It might be a difficult employee, a problem at home, a health-related issue... As you think about this problem, create the clear sounds, pictures, and feelings that accompany this problem. Let your whole body feel the burden and pain of this situation. Please put this book down for minute and use your imagination to feel this exercise emotionally.

Now, how would you describe the position of your shoulders, head, and eyes? If you’re like most people, your shoulders are slumped, your head is tilted forward, and your eyes are looking down.

Next step: Please stand up. (Come on, humor me for a second and stand up.) Now, shake your legs and arms. Look up, walk across the room with your head up, shoulders back, and smile. Pretend there's a cape blowing in the wind behind you and that you’re listening to the theme song from Rocky, Superman, or Wonderwoman. How does that feel? Are you as down as you were before?

Act as if it were impossible to fail.

Dorthea Brande

Long before Dorthea Brande etched these words in her 1936 classic, Wake Up and Live, two giants of science observed that how we move affects how we feel. (1) In 1872 Charles Darwin wrote, “The free expression of an emotion intensifies it.” (2) In 1890 William James, the father of modern psychology, presented the flip side when he penned these words, “Refuse to express a passion and it dies.” (3) Recent research confirms that your motion affects your emotion.

Professor Carroll Izard, from the Department of Psychology at the University of Delaware, reviewed the large body of research on what is called “emotion activation.” (4) Her three key conclusions are:

1. More than 30 studies confirm that facial muscles play a role in mood alteration.

2. Facial muscle contractions change cerebral blood flow and neuro-chemical activity.

3. Specific body postures elicit specific emotions.

If you want to feel better throughout the day, move better. Put a smile on your face, head up, shoulders back, and march confidently. Stride as if you are unstoppable. Positive posture produces positive performance. Don’t take my word for it. Try it and see if you feel better when you move better. The proof is in your action, not my words.

2. Ask positive questions

Leaders who find themselves in a negative mood usually ask themselves and others negative questions, such as: Why does this always happen to us? Who screwed up this time? When are they ever going to get it right? These questions are legitimate and negative because they lead to negative thoughts.

As I told a Wells Fargo executive, there is no failure, only feedback. Think of a setback as feedback waiting for meaning. Remember, it's only failure if you don’t learn anything. To learn lessons from difficult situations or setbacks, ask positive questions like these:

• What was supposed to happen?
• What did happen?
• Why?
• What went well?
• What could I do differently next time?
• How can I grow from this?
• What are some possible next steps?

3. Reward yourself and the team

Positive reinforcement is a great way to keep yourself and your team in a positive mood as you execute your plan to achieve your goal. Invite your team to create fun methods to apply the power of rewards to each other. You may also want to pat your team members on the back using these steps:

1. Have each team member give you a list of little things they enjoy as rewards (i.e., favorite ice cream, soda, candy, local restaurant...)

2. Pick one of these items as a reward whenever that team member makes significant progress towards the goal.

3. Give the reward to the team member at a team meeting.

For example, a few of my favorite things include: reading inspiring books, biking in the mountains, taking an afternoon nap, walking our dogs, eating yogurt, seeing great movies... So, when a client called a few days ago confirming a large contract, I celebrated by biking in the mountains and taking a mid-afternoon nap. Very simple and rewarding.

When you provide rewards, you need to be careful not to over-focus on the reward and under-focus on the work. So, apply the five I’s of effective positive reinforcement to maintain a good balance:

- Immediate: Give the reward as closely to the behavior as possible

- Intermittent: Reward randomly, not every time

- Important: Make sure the reward has motivational impact

- Interesting: Brainstorm fun, little ways to reward others

- Involvement: Include team members in the process

How surprised will you be when you and your team strengthen your belief in achieving your goal because stayed in a more positive mood using these tools? Let me know what works for you!

Keep eXpanding,

Dave

1. Brande D: Wake Up and Live. Cornerstone Library: New York, 1936.

2. Darwin C: The Expression of Emotion in Man and Animals. University of Chicago Press: Chicago, 1965. (Original manuscript published in 1872.

3. James W: Principles of Psychology (Vol. 2). Dover: New York, 1950. (Original manuscript published in 1890.

4. Izard C: Four Systems for Emotion Activation: Cognitive and Non-cognitive Process. Psychological Review 100: 68-90, 1993

How Leaders Stay Positive When Things Seem Negative

I shadowed Madeleine for two days as part of my coaching process last year. She had invited me to help her discover why there was a fog of negativity enveloping her department and hindering their goal achievement. I watched her conduct meetings, interact with her staff, and collaborate with colleagues. At the end of the second day, I explained that she needed to establish and maintain a more positive mood if she wanted to reach her goals. The same is true for most leaders.

Mood is the final “M” (after Modeling and Mastery) to building the strong belief that a team can reach their goal. Many leaders don’t reach their goals because they let obstacles or negativity bring the team down. The top leaders I have studied choose to stay positive when things seem negative. Here is one of several techniques I shared with Madeleine to help her establish a positive mood at work.

Place your attention on your intention

Our thoughts are previews of coming attractions. How we think about what is about to happen influences what actually happens. One of the reasons there was so much negativity in Madeleine’s department was that her interactions with her staff were often preceded by a cascade of negative thoughts. I heard her grumbling about one direct report who “never follows through” before talking to this person about a project. Another interaction was preceded by grumbling about “hoping she gets it right this time.” Madeleine was broadcasting negativity prior to and during interactions with her direct reports... without even knowing it.

The good news was that her negativity was not present when dealing with her colleagues. So, when we discussed the difference between the interactions (direct reports versus colleagues), it became clear to her that she needed to set a more positive intention/expectation prior to interacting with her direct reports.

She decided to write and review a few positive affirmations prior to conversations with her direct reports. These included:

• I am helping this person...
• We will both benefit from our conversation because...
• I see an open exchange of ideas and opinions…
• I hear this person fully engaged in a positive conversation…

If you want to establish or maintain a positive mood, I urge you to place your attention on your intention. It worked for Madeleine. It should work for you... because as our minister says, “Your description is your prescription.”

Keep eXpanding,

Dave

How Leaders Develop Expertise

In previous blogs, we discussed that in order to achieve difficult goal, you might need to help your team develop the expertise required. The seven steps of mastery described below show you how to develop and practice any new skill you need to learn in order to build the belief that you can achieve your goal.

1. Select a critical skill or competency you want to improve that will help you reach your long-term goal. Then write a goal for this skill. Focus on a small, relatively simple, stretch goal. For example, if you want to improve your listening skills, your S.M.A.R.T. goal could be: During all meetings this month, I will improve my listening skills by asking at least one question before giving my opinion.

2. Learn as much as possible about this skill from the many models available to you. Whom could you call who does it well? What books or audio programs can you digest? Are there seminars or workshops you can take? What if you simply search “improve listening skills” on the internet? You might also choose to observe or interview a few of the best listeners in your unit/company.

3. Decide how to measure your progress. British scientist Lord Kelvin asserted, “If you cannot measure it, you cannot improve it." Therefore, you must choose a method (or person) to provide feedback as you test the new skill. For example, you might simply place a check mark on a notepad every time you ask a question during all one-on-one and team meetings for a month. One leader I coached shared his “listening practice goal” with his virtual team. He then invited them to count his questions during their one-on-one phone conversations and virtual meetings. That which gets recorded gets repeated. He was promoted during our coaching agreement.

4. Practice deliberately. Begin practicing the skill in a safe environment. Safe environments are the training wheels of new skills. Olympic gymnasts practice new skills in safety harnesses. When you try the new skill, do so where you feel safe and where the consequences of poor performance are minimal. Practice the skill in your car, at home, with a friend. For example, leaders who have improved their listening skills, often begin at home were they are more comfortable taking their training wheels off in front of loved ones.

As your comfort level increases, increase the difficulty of the skill. The essence of deliberate practice is continually stretching just beyond your current abilities. On the basketball court, at the driving range, or in a business setting, most of us do what we've always done before without progressively increasing the difficulty. As your improve your listening competency, for example, you could try your growing skills in a variety of different or complex environments (e.g., with key customers, in executive meetings, during difficult negotiations…). If you want to achieve difficult goals, you must practice what you don't do well.

5. Record feedback after using the skill. We don't learn from experience, we learn from reflecting on our experience. It’s important to analyze performance immediately after trying the new skill. (In the military, these are called after action reviews.) Begin your evaluation process by describing what went well. Make a quick list of things that you felt good about when you attempted this new skill. Next, write a few thoughts about what did not go as planned. Why didn’t it? What can you learn from the trial that will help next time? Be gentle with yourself and others. Complete this step by refocusing on the positive and what went well.

6. Reward yourself for taking action. Using positive feedback can keep you motivated and on track throughout the day. When a baby learns to walk, the smiling faces of cheering adults spur the child on as it gains mastery over its environment. Employ the power of immediate rewards to reinforce the baby steps toward long-term success. These pat-on-the-back rewards increase the probability that you will try, try, try again, especially if at first day don’t succeed. Of course, do not reward every practice a session. The classic studies on conditioning teach us that intermittent reinforcement is best.

7. Make this new skill a habit. Incorporate this skill into your everyday routine.

Keep eXpanding,

Dave

How Leaders Gain Commitment to Difficult Goals

Last week, a leader (Len) told me that one of his veteran middle managers (Mark) had mishandled another customer complaint. This time, a customer had criticized the poor service she received. Mark defended his team and showed little empathy for the customer. The customer then wrote a scathing editorial in the local paper.

When Len questioned Mark about his approach, Mark said he cared so much about the company that he didn’t like his team being criticized. How would you motivate Mark to achieve a better customer service outcome?

I coached Len to focus on what Mark had already told him was of high value to Mark. That’s when Len got it. He understood that the best way to obtain Mark’s commitment to better service was to communicate how Mark’s current approach was actually hurting the company. Len told Mark that if he really cared about the company, he and his team would finally come up with a plan to manage customer complaints better.

Len’s approach to gaining commitment to the service goal is working. The plan is in place. Service has improved. Mark has moved from compliance to commitment, based on what Mark values. That’s the power of value.

As you embark on your journey to achieve any goal, the first key to an effective plan is to make sure those who need to execute are fully committed to reaching the destination. That's what the story is about.

The word commit comes from the word Latin committere, “to connect.” Where there is no commitment there is no connection to the goal. How do you know when someone is committed? (I said it is committed, not should be committed!) Here’s a clue: psychologists measure commitment by the steps taken in the face of adversity. Because achieving difficult goals is filled with many obstacles, the true measure of your leadership is how connected your team stays when they encounter these barriers.

In their comprehensive goal-setting book, Professors Locke and Latham identify the numerous factors that affect commitment. (1) Seven are listed below. The opening story, and this entire blog, focuses on the valence.

The Seven Secrets of Gaining Commitment

A. Valence

B. Rewards

C. Involvement

D. Authority

E. Competition

F. Publicness

G. Expectancy

A. Valence - The Value of Value

Valence is defined as, “the value placed on achievement.” Thus, value is first on the list because it reveals the why beneath what we do. It is the steam behind the “MOTORvation” engine. Have you seen the consequences of leaders who do not communicate the value - the why - of a difficult goal? If not, it’s because under normal circumstances you seldom see the negative consequences of low commitment. Lack of commitment only surface when a storm hits. Those who don’t see the value of a goal point fingers and blame others in the face of adversity. Employees who highly value the goal find a way to “get er done” despite difficulty. One of the biggest mistakes leaders make is confusing commitment and compliance. Committed employees give their heart and soul as they pursue a difficult goal; those who comply merely put in their time.

When the Corporate Leadership Council surveyed more than 50,000 employees in 59 organizations worldwide, they found that the employees performed at a 20% higher level when they valued their jobs. (2) Leaders communicated value by: telling employees how important they were to the success of the business, giving them numerous opportunities to contribute, and helping them believe in the worth and credibility of the organization.

Another way to help others see their value in your goal is to brainstorm the benefits they will receive when the goal is achieved. Here's how I did it with 100 executives at their leadership retreat: I gave each leader a blank sheet of paper and told them that I would give a prize to the person who wrote the most answers, in 59 seconds, to this question: If we achieve this new goal, what benefits might you personally receive?

At the end of 59 seconds, I gave a prize to the leader who had the most answers (I wanted quantity, not quality). They then shared some of their answers as I wrote them on a flipchart. Within minutes, they had sold themselves and each other on their leader’s new goal. They had found their value in his goal. How can your team find what they value in your goal?

Keep eXpanding,

Dave

1. Locke E and Latham G: A Theory of Goal Setting & Task Performance. Prentice Hall: Englewood Cliffs, 1990.

2. Leigh Buchman: The Things They Do for Love, Harvard Business Review, December 2004, 19 -- 20.

Leading by Executing 2: From Goal Setting to Goal ACHIEVING

Leaders are paid to produce results -- to execute when given a goal. Yet while most leaders know all about goal setting, few know what science says about goal achieving. The Figure below employs the eXpansive Leadership Model (XLM) to illustrate a simple synthesis of several hundred research-studies on how to achieve difficult goals. There is a very high probability that you and your team will achieve any difficult goal if you follow the four powerful steps outlined in this figure and described in this, and subsequent, blogs.

The Four Steps of Goal ACHIEVING

1. Set a long-term goal. In their extraordinary book Goal Setting and Task Performance, Professors Locke and Latham summarize 393 separate research studies on goal setting, involving 40,000 subjects performing 88 different tasks, in eight different countries, over time spans ranging from minutes to years. (1) According to their research, the probability of reaching your goals increases when you:

- Set specific and difficult goals

- Limit the number of goals

- Create short-term and long-term goals

Thus, a large body of evidence advises leaders to access their visionary style by setting and communicating a compelling vision with long-term goals. Goal achieving does indeed begin with smart goal setting.

With all the research on goal setting, you might think writing an excellent long-term goal would guarantee success. But it doesn’t. As you strive to execute, the predictive power of just knowing where you’re going diminishes. In other words, as goals get harder, writing them down doesn’t predict achievement. The science of goal achieving tells us that when goals become more difficult you need a plan. Setting long-term goals without a plan is like setting sail for a treasure without a map.

Setting a long-term goal is the first step in goal ACHIEVING. The next three steps consist of the three keys to an effective plan, illustrated in the previous figure. The are:

2. Gain commitment to the goal

3. Build belief that you can reach the goal with a plan

4. Use feedback to stay on track as you pursue the goal

We’ll describe each of these three in detail in subsequent blogs. Which of these keys to goal ACHIEVING do feel is your weakest? What could you do about it?

Keep eXpanding,

Dave

1. Locke E and Latham G: A Theory of Goal Setting & Task Performance. Prentice Hall: Englewood Cliffs, 1990.

Execution: From Goal Setting to Goal GETTING

Knowing Where You Are Going

I have been an avid goal setter for more than two decades. Over the years, I hit many of my targets, but became frustrated whenever I missed the mark. I blamed myself, and sometimes others, when I fell short. I thought missing personal or business goals meant I was doing something wrong in the goal-setting process. It took me years to uncover that goal setting was only the first step of goal achieving.

In the extraordinary book Goal Setting and Task Performance, Professors Locke and Latham summarize 393 separate research studies on goal setting, involving 40,000 subjects performing 88 different tasks, in eight different countries, over time spans ranging from minutes to years. (1) Leaders must set and communicate a compelling vision that includes long-term goals. Goal achieving does indeed begin with smart goal setting.

How to Set S.M.A.R.T. Goals

The science setting a goal requires that you get S.M.A.R.T., an acronym for:

Specific –where are you going?

Measurable – how will you keep track of your progress?

Attainable – does the goal inspire you to stretch?

Responsible – who are your stakeholders?

Timed – when will you reach your destination?

S – Specific. Do you know where you are going? It's a simple question and yet leaders often confuse their followers with lack of clarity when setting a long-term goal. Confidence fades when the horizon is foggy. I was recently working with a financial institution and asked a human resource executive what their long-term goal was. She pointed to a poster in the training room that described the vision of being the world leader. I pointed to their annual report that described their long-term goal of being a leader in a specific segment of banking in a specific region of the United States. This HR executive didn’t understand that inspiring a team to achieve difficult goals begins by painting a clear picture of the destination.

M – Measurable. How will you keep track your progress? If you can't measure it, how can you manage it? When you set a long-term goal, you must have metrics in place to make sure everyone knows that progress is being made. One organization I work with publishes industry benchmarks every quarter so that their leaders have a valid and useful yardstick to track progress. Jeff Immelt, the CEO of GE, says “Every needs a metric.” (2)

A – Attainable. I received a greeting card that read, “Shoot for the moon -- if you miss you’ll be among the stars!” Sounds nice. But then I thought, shooting for the moon could also get you lost in space! In his best-selling book, The Fifth Discipline, Peter Senge at MIT compares the stretch between where you are and where you want to go to a rubber band. (3) He points out that there is a recurring tension between vision thinking (where you want to go) and rational thinking (the demands of your everyday surroundings). You might want to consider how you will manage this “creative tension” as you set your attainable goal. Goals should stretch your team, but not so far that they roll their eyes in disbelief or feel like they are going to snap.

R – Responsible. The sun is setting on the lone-star leader. Leaders may be responsible for achieving their goals, but these days they need help from others inside and outside their organization to reach their destination. Today’s complex market and demanding customers often require leaders who are independent and interdependent. Expansive leaders know how to work on their own and with others to meet their goals. Thus, the R in S.M.A.R.T. refers to stakeholders, who are also “responsible” for your success. A stakeholder is someone who has a vested interest in, or is affected by, your goal.

Stakeholders may include those in other divisions or departments, vendors, industry experts, association executives, outside consultants and so forth. I recommend that you create a top 10-stakeholder list. These are individuals to stay in touch with as you pursue your challenging goal.

T - Time. When will you reach your destination? Write the date you will reach your goal. It is not good enough to write that you will accomplish your goal in six months. You must put a specific date.

Knowing Where You Are Going… Doesn't Get You There

With all the research on goal setting, you might think writing an excellent long-term goal would guarantee success. But it doesn’t, of course. As you strive to execute a long-term goal, the predictive power of just knowing where you’re going diminishes. That’s because the science of goal achieving teaches that as goals become increasingly difficult, the impact of having written goals on achievement decreases. In other words, as goals get harder, just because you wrote them down doesn’t mean you’ll reach them. The science of goal achieving tells us that when goals become more difficult you need a plan. Setting long-term goals without a plan is like setting sail for a treasure without a map. To execute, you need both a well-defined destination and a plan to reach it.

The need for a S.M.A.R.T. goal and plan is also supported by research Zig Ziglar and I conducted on 104 people attending one of Zig’s seminars. Individuals that had written goals and written plans to achieve their goals far outperformed those who “only” had goals. (4) So, make sure you have a goal and a plan when you embark on your next journey... and you'll graduate from being a a goal setter to a goal GETTER!

Keep eXpanding,

Dave

1. Locke E and Latham G: A Theory of Goal Setting & Task Performance. Prentice Hall: Englewood Cliffs, 1990.

2. Thomas A. Stewart; Growth as a Process: The HBR Interview with Jeffrey R. Immelt, Harvard Business Review, June 2006.

3. Senge P: The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization. Doubleday: New York, 1990.

4. Goldman BM, Masterson SS, Locke EA, Groth, M, Jensen DG: Goal-directedness and Personal Identity as Correlates of Life Outcomes. Psychological Reports, 91:153-166, 2002.